My husband and I have a pact that if I am ever convicted of a crime I didn’t commit, he is to be my alibi even if he wasn’t actually with me.  Sounds crazy, huh?  Maybe a little paranoid?  Well folks, you haven’t met me.  I am the person that could be in a coma and would still be blamed for doing or saying something that I didn’t do.  Yup, I’m actually surprised I haven’t been arrested for robbing a convenience store in El Paso even though I live in Mass. and don’t fly.  I literally walk around most days laughing and SMH, which means “shaking my head” and not “shit in my hat” like I thought it meant for years.  I know, I have no idea why I thought that and it makes no sense.

Anyway, I feel like the majority of my days are filled with me saying “what did I do now?”  I struggled for years trying to figure out what I could have done that was so bad to make my husband’s family truly despise me.  Years.  Agonizing.  Questioning myself as a human being.  Then one day I actually got the opportunity to try to clear my name and find out what I possibly could have done.  I needed to right the wrong I had committed and repent my sins. Well guess what, it wasn’t even anything I did.  Nope.  BUT, there’s a big BUT (not BUTT even though I do have a big butt) no matter what I say, ever, about anything to clear my name, it doesn’t matter because the damage is done.  It’s my fault and I must have said it, meant it, done it, thought about it or was about to think about it.

I’m not writing this blog looking for pity.  Au contraire my blog reading friends.  I am writing to let you know that if I’m going to get blamed anyway, why not actually do and say the things that I am constantly getting blamed for.  Look out convenience store owners in El Paso because here I come.  Until I get used to the new, bad me I’ll leave money for anything I steal, but I’m stealing it.  Just let me feed the squirrels and birds in my yard first, then I’m going to get nasty.  There’s no stopping me now.