My husband and I have a pact that if I am ever convicted of a crime I didn’t commit, he is to be my alibi even if he wasn’t actually with me.  Sounds crazy, huh?  Maybe a little paranoid?  Well folks, you haven’t met me.  I am the person that could be in a coma and would still be blamed for doing or saying something that I didn’t do.  Yup, I’m actually surprised I haven’t been arrested for robbing a convenience store in El Paso even though I live in Mass. and don’t fly.  I literally walk around most days laughing and SMH, which means “shaking my head” and not “shit in my hat” like I thought it meant for years.  I know, I have no idea why I thought that and it makes no sense.

Anyway, I feel like the majority of my days are filled with me saying “what did I do now?”  I struggled for years trying to figure out what I could have done that was so bad to make my husband’s family truly despise me.  Years.  Agonizing.  Questioning myself as a human being.  Then one day I actually got the opportunity to try to clear my name and find out what I possibly could have done.  I needed to right the wrong I had committed and repent my sins. Well guess what, it wasn’t even anything I did.  Nope.  BUT, there’s a big BUT (not BUTT even though I do have a big butt) no matter what I say, ever, about anything to clear my name, it doesn’t matter because the damage is done.  It’s my fault and I must have said it, meant it, done it, thought about it or was about to think about it.

I’m not writing this blog looking for pity.  Au contraire my blog reading friends.  I am writing to let you know that if I’m going to get blamed anyway, why not actually do and say the things that I am constantly getting blamed for.  Look out convenience store owners in El Paso because here I come.  Until I get used to the new, bad me I’ll leave money for anything I steal, but I’m stealing it.  Just let me feed the squirrels and birds in my yard first, then I’m going to get nasty.  There’s no stopping me now.

I  want to begin this blog by stating that this blog is for me.  It is not to be debated, it is an outlet for me to try to channel my emotions.  No one is forced to read it but I am entitled to write it.  I have been filled with so many difficult emotions this week that I need to explain them to myself or anyone that cares to listen, why this presidential election is difficult for me to process.  These are my opinions and no one needs to agree with them but I hope that whoever may read this will respect them.

I love that our country allows us the freedom of speech.  I disagree with a lot of people, but I respect that people have their own opinions and hope that people will respect mine.  Our feelings are our own, we have them for a reason and debating them will not change them.  One thing I will never respect is hate and bigotry and I would hope that everyone I know feels the same.  The people who did not vote for Trump, and most likely many that did, are struggling with what will happen when a bigot is President.  I’ll admit, I agree with some of his policies, maybe even more than I agreed with Clinton’s, but I could not bring myself to vote for him nor will I ever respect him.  For me, his bigotry was a deal breaker.  Do I understand why some people did vote for him, absolutely.  Do I think that everyone that voted for Trump is a bigot?  No.  Not at all.  I believe that people felt that the issues he stood for were important enough for them to overlook his bigotry.  Fair enough and they very well may be correct, time will tell.

Here’s what I can’t respect and what is killing me inside, denial.  My biggest frustration is to repeatedly hear that he is not a bigot.  He’s open about it, he does not try to hide his bigotry and doesn’t deny it so why are his supporters stating he isn’t?   That does NOT mean if you support Trump you are a bigot, it means if you see nothing wrong with his comments, not his political policies but his insults and discrimination, then you may want to look up the definition of a bigot.  That, is your choice, and no one can change your feelings about that but let’s be honest about it.  I have read some wonderful articles by people who voted for Trump explaining why they did and why the issues were important enough that they felt he was the best candidate.  I respect that because they also stated how his behavior and bigotry was unacceptable to them and they will not sit back and allow that to spread in our country.  Other people are very open and honest about agreeing with his bigotry and even though I don’t respect their bigotry, I respect their honesty.

I was naïve not to realize how many hate filled bigots still exist in our country and this is now being seen by the increase in hate crimes and discrimination.   Trump’s win is allowing them to be more vocal now.  Is it creating bigots?  Of course not, but it is allowing people to feel they don’t have to hide their feelings anymore because our leader isn’t.  We as Americans that value our civil rights can not allow this to happen, we need to work harder now to ensure those rights are not jeopardized and to enforce the law.  This can’t be done if people keep saying this isn’t happening, it is happening and we need to stop it.  Schools had to respond to this election like no other in history because it is the first time we have been faced with an openly bigoted President.  I believe we are a very strong nation where the majority of people are good and if we work together and stop the denial we can keep our country great.