After watching the last Presidential debate I realized, it’s time.  Time for me to swoop in like a super hero and save our country.  Time for me to let my past lewd comments about men come out and run for President of the United States.  POTUS Stephanie, I like it.  People are commenting all over the news and social media that they are planning on writing in a name on their ballot to show their disdain with the current candidates.  Well, why not have it be my name?  I’m pretty sure I couldn’t be any worse.  I would like to announce that I am officially running for President.

I might not know much about politics, or anything really, but that doesn’t seem to matter these days.  What I do know about politics is that a candidate can pretty much promise just about anything without any plan to back up those promises, and people will believe it if you sound convincing enough.  I can totally do that.  Empty promises are my specialty right after sarcasm.  I’ve already decided on my campaign slogan and have ordered the posters of me holding a puppy in one hand and a glass of wine in the other.  “Vote for me and get a free puppy.”   Everybody loves puppies and wine, therefore everybody will love me.

Being contacted for an interview to talk about my position on key issues was a little surprising.  I like puppies and wine, what else do you need to know?  Jeez.  However, my campaign manager suggested it would be a good idea and his wine suggestions never let me down, so I left the liquor store and met with the local media.  Here is the transcript from my interview with Boy Scout Troop 374:

“Mrs. Morrison, if you are elected President what will you do about genetically engineered food?”, “Well Jimmy, not only will I stop it, but I’m planning on taking all the calories out of food to solve our country’s obesity problem”.

“Mrs. Morrison, how do you plan on handling ISIS and terrorism in the US?”, “Jimmy, I have a plan that will end all terrorism and hate towards Americans but I can’t disclose that publicly because I don’t want them to know what’s coming.  I will only say this, it involves butterflies”.

“Mrs. Morrison, how do feel about the refugee crisis in Syria?”, “How does anyone feel Jimmy”.

“Mrs. Morrison, Donald Trump has promised to build a wall between the US and Mexico and require that Mexico pay for that wall, do you feel that is realistic?”, “Of course it isn’t realistic to assume Mexicans will agree to pay for a wall.  Walls are expensive and can be climbed.  My plan is not only cost effective but will solve all of our problems with illegals in our country, not just Mexicans.  I will require that everyone in the world wear an electric collar that will shock them upon entering our country”.

“Mrs. Morrison, how do you plan on lowering unemployment?”, “I am going to make sure that all of those electric collars are made in the USA which will add lots of jobs for Americans”.

“Mrs. Morrison, what is your plan for taxes?”, “Jimmy, under my presidency there will be no taxes. I plan on eliminating all taxes except the tax on cigarettes.”  “Wow, Mrs. Morrison, wouldn’t public services have to be cut or halted if that were to happen?”, “Of course they would but think of it this way, without firefighters or law enforcement, everything that catches on fire would just burn, right?  Then I have not only eliminated taxes but also found a solution to the water shortage our country is facing”.

“Now make sure your parents vote for me Jimmy and here’s a puppy”.