This morning as I was driving, a woman in a crosswalk walked right out in front of my car without even pausing or turning her head to see if I was going to stop.  This happens all the time in our age of entitlement.  People no longer wait to ensure you actually see them and are slowing down before crossing.  In fact, I would say more than half of the time they don’t even look to see if there is a car coming. This has got to be one of the most foolish uses of the law that I have ever seen.  If I don’t stop I get a ticket, but you’re dead so… you win?  It almost makes you want to hit them doesn’t it?  Come on, be honest, it does just a little bit even though none of us actually would.

I always stop for pedestrians in a crosswalk when I see them, but I have to admit there have been many times that I don’t see them in time to stop. I find myself driving two miles per hour, white knuckled, with my hands positioned at 10:00 and 2:00 on the steering wheel, sitting so far forward in my seat that I’m making nose prints on the windshield, just to make sure I can anticipate the possible crossing of every person in a 5 mile radius.  What if I hadn’t seen this woman this morning?  What if I had been distracted by a sneezing attack?  What if my child had just thrown up in the car?  Unforeseen things happen that sometimes make us take our eyes off of the road for a second.  Do these people think because they have the right of way that the grill of my SUV might feel any softer if they were to bounce off of it?

I mean this in the nicest of ways, but if you can’t take 3 seconds out of your day to pause to see if the driver of the oncoming vehicle is actually applying pressure to their brakes, you are an idiot.  Just because the law is on your side doesn’t mean it’s worth risking your life to prove that point.  It’s also illegal to shoot someone but that doesn’t mean I’m going to march my butt around a gun range without looking.  If a car hits you, it can kill you, smarten up people.

 

 

Today I feel compelled to write a non-comedic blog so that I can vent my frustrations somewhere other than Facebook.  I try so hard not to say anything political on Facebook but I am feeling weak lately.  Fair warning, this is going to be Trump bashing (not anti-Republican or political) and off color so if that offends you, please stop reading now.   For the rest of you, here we go, commence rant.  First let me preface by saying I have thought Trump running for President was a joke since the beginning.  The second he became the Republican Nominee was a sure vote for Hillary in my eyes.  His recent comments didn’t change my opinion of him, they just cemented it in stone.

When I have voiced my disgust about Donald Trump’s recent comments about having his way with women because he is rich, I was told things like, “you’re a hypocrite” or “you say things just as bad as him” or “you use crude language” or “people in glass houses”.  Let me clarify something, I’M NOT RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT (I know I said I was and  promised free puppies in my last blog).  It doesn’t matter if I swear or use vulgar language because a) I’m not running for President, and b) I don’t touch people inappropriately – EVER.  Period, end of story, mic drop.

While I don’t particularly care for that word he used to describe a woman’s female parts, it is not the word that is the issue.  Why can’t people see this?  If he used the actual word, still just as bad.  If I walked down the street and called every passerby that word, it isn’t even on the same level as his comments.  “Good morning p***y”, “Any idea what time it is p***y?”, “Please hold the elevator p***y”.  Nope, still not even close. It doesn’t matter what word he used, he stated that because of his money he can kiss and grab women whenever he wants and they won’t do anything.  Hmmm, let me think for a second, I’m pretty sure that is… illegal?  Not to mention so freaking morally unethical is makes me sick.   Sick as a woman and as a mother of a female.

Now brace yourself because here it comes.  That word he used to describe where he can grab women, is exactly what any man is that uses any form of power to assault a woman.  Yup, I said it, he is the p***y (insert gasp here). While Hillary was not my first choice and has done many wrongs as well, she is not grabbing people in the no-no zone because she has money and power.  Now don’t even say Bill Clinton was worse because he, along with myself, ARE NOT RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT.

This has nothing to do with politics or issues, it has to do with character and supporting a person that not only abuses women but is teaching children it is alright to do so.  A vote for Trump shows children that they can abuse women, be a bully and a racist, and still become President.  That my friends, is much worse than anything Hillary can do.  I still think this entire race is a bad dream. I keep closing my eyes, clicking my heels together and saying “There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home”.

 

After watching the last Presidential debate I realized, it’s time.  Time for me to swoop in like a super hero and save our country.  Time for me to let my past lewd comments about men come out and run for President of the United States.  POTUS Stephanie, I like it.  People are commenting all over the news and social media that they are planning on writing in a name on their ballot to show their disdain with the current candidates.  Well, why not have it be my name?  I’m pretty sure I couldn’t be any worse.  I would like to announce that I am officially running for President.

I might not know much about politics, or anything really, but that doesn’t seem to matter these days.  What I do know about politics is that a candidate can pretty much promise just about anything without any plan to back up those promises, and people will believe it if you sound convincing enough.  I can totally do that.  Empty promises are my specialty right after sarcasm.  I’ve already decided on my campaign slogan and have ordered the posters of me holding a puppy in one hand and a glass of wine in the other.  “Vote for me and get a free puppy.”   Everybody loves puppies and wine, therefore everybody will love me.

Being contacted for an interview to talk about my position on key issues was a little surprising.  I like puppies and wine, what else do you need to know?  Jeez.  However, my campaign manager suggested it would be a good idea and his wine suggestions never let me down, so I left the liquor store and met with the local media.  Here is the transcript from my interview with Boy Scout Troop 374:

“Mrs. Morrison, if you are elected President what will you do about genetically engineered food?”, “Well Jimmy, not only will I stop it, but I’m planning on taking all the calories out of food to solve our country’s obesity problem”.

“Mrs. Morrison, how do you plan on handling ISIS and terrorism in the US?”, “Jimmy, I have a plan that will end all terrorism and hate towards Americans but I can’t disclose that publicly because I don’t want them to know what’s coming.  I will only say this, it involves butterflies”.

“Mrs. Morrison, how do feel about the refugee crisis in Syria?”, “How does anyone feel Jimmy”.

“Mrs. Morrison, Donald Trump has promised to build a wall between the US and Mexico and require that Mexico pay for that wall, do you feel that is realistic?”, “Of course it isn’t realistic to assume Mexicans will agree to pay for a wall.  Walls are expensive and can be climbed.  My plan is not only cost effective but will solve all of our problems with illegals in our country, not just Mexicans.  I will require that everyone in the world wear an electric collar that will shock them upon entering our country”.

“Mrs. Morrison, how do you plan on lowering unemployment?”, “I am going to make sure that all of those electric collars are made in the USA which will add lots of jobs for Americans”.

“Mrs. Morrison, what is your plan for taxes?”, “Jimmy, under my presidency there will be no taxes. I plan on eliminating all taxes except the tax on cigarettes.”  “Wow, Mrs. Morrison, wouldn’t public services have to be cut or halted if that were to happen?”, “Of course they would but think of it this way, without firefighters or law enforcement, everything that catches on fire would just burn, right?  Then I have not only eliminated taxes but also found a solution to the water shortage our country is facing”.

“Now make sure your parents vote for me Jimmy and here’s a puppy”.