Being a large breasted woman is not all it’s cracked up to be, there are quite a few challenges with managing the girls. These things take work to hold up considering they must weigh a good 20 pounds each. At least that’s what I like to think the reason is for my high weight. Subtract 40 pounds for boobs, yeah that’s not bad. I’m actually skinny. Think about it, 40 pounds of weight being carried around by straps and under wires. There is no way that I couldn’t have back problems. Sometimes I consider just throwing them over my shoulders but I might frighten too many people. So here are what I consider the top 10 struggles of having large breasts:

1)   Putting a napkin on your lap during meals basically has no purpose other than looking proper. The crumbs or spills never make it over the hills to your lap. However, you know where to look when you need a snack.

2) Stomach sleeping takes thought. You either put them directly under you and teeter on them like a seesaw or throw them off to the sides. That works until your left breast is suffocating your husband and the cat is playing with your right breast on the floor like a ball of yarn.

3) Running or jumping. If you haven’t taped yourself in like a football player with broken ribs, you run the risk of knocking yourself out cold or looking like you’ve been in a bar brawl.

4) Lying face down in the snow will get you a visit from the government when satellites report what they believe are crop circles in your yard.   However, once you open the door they will instantly say never mind.

5) When floating in the ocean boaters may try to hook up to you thinking you are a mooring. That’s gonna leave a mark. Ouch.

6)  Putting on a bra when it is warm out or right when you get out of the shower is nearly impossible. If you do manage to actually cover your breasts with the cups and not the back strap, you will definitely have punched yourself in the face in the process.

7) Trying to wear a tank top with a built in shelf bra. Other than playing your own X-rated game of Peek A Boo, you look like you now have four boobs. Nice.

8) You partner thinks they can be used as punching bags. Really? Come on. Would you want us to do the same with your testicles? Alright then.

9) You can’t wear anything low cut without the possibility of being arrested for indecent exposure. I can zip a shirt up to my neck and still have cleavage.

10) Button down shirts are not your friends. If you buy a shirt in your size, your buttons are popping and becoming deadly weapons. To get one that will actually button you need to buy a shirt four sizes too big which makes you look fat. Sexy.