Sarcasm definition: the use of words that mean the opposite of what you really want to say especially in order to insult someone, to show irritation, or to be funny.

A friend, a very sarcastic friend whom I love, told me that sarcasm is considered the lowest form of humor by some. Oscar Wilde once said that “sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but the highest form of intelligence.” I truly believe this and feel that if there was an IQ test for sarcasm it would prove this hypothesis. Think of how incredibly intelligent one must be to effectively use this God given skill. The hidden gem with sarcasm is that highly intelligent “book smart” people may otherwise think you are unintelligent. Little do they know that you are spanking them on the ass without them having a clue. That makes me giggle.

What a gift sarcasm is. You are born with it, only the chosen few are trusted with such a powerful trait. A holy grail of sorts is handed to you as an infant (Insert image of light shining down onto infant as grail is handed to them). No matter how hard someone tries to learn it, it can’t be taught. No degree at Harvard will give you the ability to flat out insult someone with a smile on your face and have that person think you are serious. How fun is that? The recipients of our sarcasm are typically people who have rectal cranial inversion. It’s not our fault that they never pull their head out of their ass long enough to catch our sarcasm. They also believe they are being complimented so there is really no harm done.

Sarcasm is a wonderful coping mechanism that allows us to deal with all the crap in the world in a whole new light without offending people. Our mothers always told us to be nice to people and never to say anything mean. It’s much nicer to say “Wow, interesting idea, you should run with that” other than “The village called, they want their idiot back”.   When someone asks how they look, saying “That’s a really unique look you have today” is much less offensive than “You look like you got hit by a bag of nails doing 50 miles an hour”. Do you see where I’m going with this? I can’t give away too many sarcastic remarks because we don’t want those on the receiving end to start to catch on.

If you didn’t have the ability to utter that snide remark that sounds like a compliment while the corner of your mouth twitched up slightly where would we be? We would be forced to either insult people and tell them how we really feel or even worse, we might have to keep our feelings inside which would lead to us being ticking time bombs until we couldn’t take it anymore. At some point the inevitable would happen and we would start smacking the living snot out of people on a daily basis.  I can’t speak for anyone else but I just can’t be bothered messing up my clothes and God forbid my shoes with the snot or other fluids of these morons.

So yes, sarcasm is definitely a service that I offer.