This weekend solidified my theory that the entire state of Maine seems to be under some sort of trance when it comes to making coffee.  I’m not sure if it is a demonic trance that warrants the need of a blanket exorcism over the entire state, a form of cult brainwashing, The Dome that Stephen King is referring to, or maybe a really odd coincidence that Def Leppard’s Pour Some Sugar On Me is always playing at the very moment I order.  Whatever the reason may be, apparently it is impossible for a person to make a coffee without adding sugar.  No matter how many times I have ordered coffee without sugar while in Maine, it contains sugar.

I am truly baffled as to why this happens.  They know there isn’t supposed to be sugar in the coffee but something unseen is forcing them to add sugar.  It’s as if when they look over at the sugar container the counter starts to shake, they try to fight it but they can’t.  Their arm seems to have a mind of its own that they can’t control.  They.  Must.  Add.  Sugar.

What makes it so much worse than the money wasted, is that I really look forward to that cup of coffee.  I love coffee, I have killed for less than a good cup of coffee.  It’s like a little special treat that adds some sunshine to your day.  A small promise of an extra boast of energy.  As you pull away from the drive through window all seems right in the world until you take a sip and want to throw the coffee back at the person that handed it to you.  Don’t worry, I would never do that, I can’t handle another stint in prison.  Of course you don’t notice that the coffee contains sugar until it is too late, especially at Dunkin Donuts because the coffee will burn all of the skin out of your mouth if you don’t wait 45 minutes before your first sip.

I think the next time I order coffee while in Maine I will have to do something drastic.  I may actually get out of my car and go inside to order so that I can watch them make it.  I know, it sounds horrible but it’s a sacrifice I am willing to take to get the coffee I deserve.